The Creative Spark

My kids and I have just watched a documentary on Netflix called The Creative Brain. I found it quite inspiring. The movie went into what makes us unique as humans - our ability to create. It talked about how creativity isn't about creating something totally unique - it's always building upon what we see, but bringing our own slant to that. They even spoke to a famous novelist who said that he never creates something totally unique. I loved that because, oftentimes, as authors, we feel like our work is so close to other stories in our genre. Yes, it is, but every book is unique. I know because I edit romance almost every work day. Sure, the tropes are the same - it's always about a man and woman finding love with each other, and oftentimes, the process of getting there is fairly similar, but the way it's written is uniquely done by each author, and each subsequent book they write. We bring our own unique life experiences to what we create. No one else's will be exactly the same. Every creation is valid. Each one is a piece of ourselves.

Recently, I posted on Facebook that I prefer a more beta man in real life and I prefer to write them. Alpha and beta are not great words and can be loaded and harmful in a way, but I didn't know how else to express my thoughts. Let's just say that I don't like a hyper-masculine guy. I like a gentle, kind, compassionate type of guy. I don't like the ultra-muscular types but prefer a man with a bit of flesh on him. Then several people commented that they wrote the alpha guys because they sell. And that is true. But I replied to one of the comments that writing is therapy for me and I don't want to write to make sales anymore. I think I became tired of trying to work out what sells and writing that, then finding out I couldn't get it right anyway. So, I will continue to write what comes from my soul, from my life experiences. Yes, I'd love to make sales, but after almost three years of writer's block, the only way to get the creative spark going is to write from my heart, from my feelings, from my experiences, and even more so write my deepest desires - what I want from life, from love, from relationships, from growing as a person. I want my characters to grow as people too - to become better people, just like I want to. I want them to experience the radical love that I want so much.

The documentary on Netflix showed us how vital creativity is to our well-being. It showed how prison inmates who were taught how to tap into creativity and to develop it, were much more likely to go on to live better lives. A struggling school came back to life when the teachers used creative expression and art to teach the students all the subjects.

That's why I continue to write. It's because creativity is vital for my well-being. Creativity heals depression, anxiety, listlessness. It gives us a spark. It makes us new. It teaches us about ourselves and about the world around us. Every time we create something, we are putting a seed of ourselves and our unique experiences out into the world. We are reproducing ourselves and changing the world. We are creating life. We are living.

Yes, it's not easy and we may fail many times over. They interviewed the script writer for Game of Thrones. He had failed many times before he succeeded in his writing. Yes, we may fail, but it is those failures which often propel us forward to our greatest successes. And it's in every moment, whether failure or success, that we are growing and experiencing life.

I want to take a risk, push the boundaries. Yes, I'm not always sure how, but I'm going to try it, one word at a time.

What No One Tells you about Menopause

Warning: rant below and probably only ladies will be interested.

Photo by Anderson Cavalera from Pexels

Why don't they tell us exactly what to expect when a woman goes through peri-menopause and menopause? I was just thinking about this on the weekend, due to a particularly bad "hormone-charged" few days. Or let's rather say, hormone-deficient three days.

When a girl becomes a pre-teen, she is often taken aside by a caring parent / teacher / youth leader, and taught all about her menstrual cycle and what to expect as she enters into puberty: what happens when you have a period and how you will feel, and what to do about it.

But no one ever sits down with a thirty-something woman, takes her hand, explains everything, and assures her that yes, it won't be easy, but she'll be all right as her body transitions into menopause. And gives her an idea of how she will feel and what will happen. All you hear are snatches of conversation from older woman complaining about hot flushes! And that they take hormone-replacement therapy, which apparently isn't good for you! That is the sum total of what I've heard my whole life except for one passage in a book by James Dobson I read years ago about what his mother went through at the time. That's it. (Please be aware, that I do not endorse James Dobson's ideas anymore - specifically about the LGBT+ and pre-marital sex, but this post is not about that.)

Anyways, I so wish someone had told me what would happen to my periods, and my body, and how that would feel. No one ever told me that my periods would get shorter and shorter, that the gap between them would get shorter and shorter and that I would feel worse and worse PMS during these short cycles, usually lasting 2 weeks out of the 3 weeks of the cycle. No one told me that this hormonal problem would trigger anxiety. No one told me that once the periods stop coming for a few months (and I felt amazing during that period), that when they do come back, you feel so sick on that period, and it's so heavy. And all these things are normal, according to a web link I found this weekend - yes, after all these years, I've found out that what I'm going through is normal! No, all you hear about is hot flashes. (Oh, and no one mentioned that when you go to the doctor multiple times to have your hormone levels checked, that they always say they are normal!)

I don't even know if I've had a single hot flash. I don't wake up in the middle of the night, sweating profusely. In fact, I generally sleep like a baby (yay), when I'm not anxious about something. Yes, my body temperature has changed the last few years. I don't feel the cold anymore and the heat is dreadfully dreadful. But I wouldn't call that a hot flash. Unless I'm having one permanent hot flash. 👿

No one told me that peri-menopause can last 10 years!!! Yes, it's lasted me years and years so far. I don't know when exactly, but I'd say close to 7.

Why don't they give us pep talks for menopause? There is a lot that a woman has to process. Not only the fact that she's coming face to face with ageing, but also all the effects on her body. And how to handle the hormonal dips, and the consequent affects on mood, and come to terms with her new self. And that it starts years before it actually ends. And that there are ways to cope, and you'll get through it in the end. And finally, when it's over, you'll be so happy to no longer have a period. (Okay, I haven't gotten there yet, but boy, am I looking forward to it.)

Note: Yes, I am trying out different supplements to help. I can't take too many soy isoflovanes because of my thyroid.

Anyway, I just want to say I'm grateful for my body. It's given me three amazing children. And it's leading me onto the next phase of life. I just need to learn to work with it in the best way possible. Anyone else had any harrowing menopause experiences?

How I Use the Tarot to Help me Write

So, the last few years I've developed a bit of an obsession in my spare time for playing with and studying the tarot cards. I've found the tarot to be a marvelous tool for self-development and just to help me through things going on in my life. The tarot is a fascinating thing. I think the old-fashioned idea that people who read tarot are dolled up in multiple bangles, a dark headscarf, hoop earrings, way too much makeup, and reside in a caravan with a large crystal ball, in a darkened and spooky room, no longer applies. It's not so much a niche thing anymore and has become popular in the spiritual community, enjoyed by many people of all religions.

Besides offering me some personal spiritual guidance, I love using the tarot to help me plot my fiction novels, or to help me with characterisation and well, when I'm blocked.

For example, I started writing Book 2 from the last book I finished - When Love Blooms. I had grown a bit attached to a secondary character in the book (Collette's friend, Rachel) and wanted to write her story. I sat down with my notebook and pen and started the "morning pages" way of writing. I wrote the first three pages and then stopped. I couldn't bear to write anymore. It wasn't working. Something felt off. I was blocked. I knew it wasn't the book I wanted to write, but I still wanted to write about Rachel. So, I put it down and forgot about it for a few weeks, figuring that maybe I'm not going to write for a while again.

Today, I didn't have any editing and after a long weekend, felt quite a bit more rested than usual. I felt like writing Rachel's story, but how? I picked some tarot cards from one of my favourite decks. What I like about tarot is that it contains the hero's journey - it's a story in pictures. It follows almost everything about the human experience. And I like to choose a deck (I'm a bit of a collector) that has beautiful art that I can connect with. The deck I chose for my plotting had contemporary people in it. So, instead of looking at the particular meaning of the cards I chose, as they didn't really apply to Rachel's potential story, I studied the images, and suddenly I just knew what direction I wanted Rachel's story to go in. It would take her to the country near her friend Collette. I just knew this was the right direction for my book.

This isn't the first time I've used tarot to plot my book. I don't usually use it for the whole book, but it gets me started and gives me ideas. I used it to start off When Love Blooms. I also like to use it to get a glimpse into my characters, but not as often as plotting. The tarot court cards are good as they show different personalities. If you picked out all the court cards, you could choose a court card for each of your main characters. It would, of course, help to have a bit of knowledge of the cards before you start. There is a lot of free material out there to learn tarot. Biddy Tarot has a lot on her website, there are dozens of tarot YouTubers (Kelly-Ann Maddox has a free tutorial series on tarot), and well, you can always buy a kindle book on it. If you can't afford a deck, you can get some free mobile deck apps. But it's always nicer to hold the deck in your hands.

I used to think tarot was evil. Yes, some of the cards may not be easy on the eyes if you use the old-fashioned original Rider Waite deck, but you could always buy a more modern one. I prefer the more contemporary ones as the images are much more relatable. Cards like the devil and the death card don't actually mean the literal devil and death, but rather remind us that we don't have to be trapped in our negative or restricted thoughts, and that with every time we lose something or things change in our lives, something new and beautiful is born out of it, kind of like the Phoenix rising from the ashes.

Here are a few pics of my cards, just so you can see.

Below is the inspiration I found for Rachel's story. Sorry the cards are so dark. So, in the first picture, there is a man at the door with a letter. In the second one, she's staring out onto the farm, wondering what to do, and the third, she is harvesting apples. I shall keep you wondering. I don't want to say too much about this story until I actually have it down on paper. Just feels like I'm jinxing it, lol.

Is there anything unusual that you use to help you plot your novels? I'd love to know.

How The Artist's Way Broke My Writer's Block

I'm writing a blog post, in the middle of a very busy day and week, to share my excitement.

I have just completed a first draft on a novel after a very difficult three years where I only wrote one fantasy novel and one woman's fiction / romance and struggled with multiple writing blocks and major burnout, going over a year without writing anything new.

It all started when I began reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. Her book is addressed to blocked creatives. It's an encouragement, motivator, and a bit of a workbook all rolled in one. It is a bit of religious book, but not in a pushy way, so even those who don't believe in God can benefit from it.

I haven't finished the book yet. It's not that easy to read for me. When I read a self-help book, I strongly dislike long lists of exercises to do at the end of each chapter. They distract me and weight me down. That's why when I first starting reading the book, I had mixed feelings - quite strong ones actually. I loved the way she worked on dispelling some myths that creatives have. But then she wanted us to write "the morning pages." She said we should write three pages of our thoughts or whatever comes to mind, every morning. I was so angry with her, but she insisted it would unblock us. I thought, "How on earth would I find time to do this? I battle to find time to exercise and sleep enough as a single mom of three, running my own freelance business." But I was desperate so I read on. At first, I assumed we should write our writing projects in these three pages. I actually didn't fully understand that it was three page of journaling or free-writing our thoughts to get in touch with our creative side.

I'd already started off a book for Nano and had written about 10K. I'd reached a block in the book and couldn't seem to go on. But I was determined to try this and this book seemed the best bet. So, I found an old notebook in the house, took out my black Bic click pen and began to write. I did do a bit of journaling, but I mostly wrote my book. It was hard at first, but then it flowed. I did it the next day. And the next. I wrote three pages by hand for about three weeks without interruption. A day or two of life getting in the way interrupted it, but then I got back on and wrote.

The key here was setting. I made sure I was in a pleasant setting that was conducive to creativity. I went to my happy spot - on my bed in my room. I sometimes put on soft, instrumental music, or other times lit a candle. I was in a relaxed spot, away from my computer (which I now associate with work) and just having fun. The words would flow. She stressed that we should do it first thing in the morning before our logical / left brain kicked in too strong, and I did start with that. I think it was essential that I did, but then circumstances changed in my life and I needed to get going earlier in the morning, so that no longer worked. But I made sure that before I started my editing jobs for the day and went into editor mode, I did my morning pages.

So, yes, even though my morning pages aren't the same as Julia Cameron's ones, they have worked for me.

I have since read some more of her book and am enjoying it except for the excessive exercises in it, which only overwhelm and guilt me. But I'm deeply grateful for "the morning pages" which got me out of my three-year writer's block.

So, I've written the whole first draft of my woman's fiction / romance. I have a huge job ahead of me - transcribing the writing onto the computer. It's going to take me a couple of months to get the words down. I admit that it's not the fun part of this way of writing. And I still have to give the book a thorough edit and send it out to beta readers before I work toward publication. But hey, the first draft is down and I love the story. That's what counts, isn't it?

Here is the tentative blurb so you have an idea what it's about. Bear with me as I wrote out a whole blurb one day and I cannot find it anywhere. And the title is still under construction.

Flower Fields

Collette's designs and puts together the flowers for weddings. She's a successful entrepreneur, but her business has been floundering in the last few months. She's helping her friend Rachel, who is a wedding planner, to beautify the bride Debbie's wedding. Rachel's in a panic as a key celebrity bridesmaid - Andy - hasn't arrived and she begs Collette to take her place, seeing she looks uncannily similar to the actress. Reluctantly Collette poses as Andy in the bridal party. Because she looks so much like the actress, a long-lost cousin called Jonas strikes up a conversation with her. He confides in her when he drinks too much and she discovers he's the new florist in town - her competition. Has he been stealing all her clients? They hit it off though, but Jonas (who prefers to be called Jonah) starts to suspect the woman he's attracted to isn't his cousin after all. He's angry, but intrigued. He'd like to see her again, but Collette isn't looking for a relationship.

Her business troubles make Collette look deep inside at her own unrest. No matter how crazy it may seem, she knows she has to follow her heart and her dream and move to the country to farm flowers. She approaches Jonah to help her out and merges their two businesses. They are drawn to each other as they spend time together. But Collette's past hurts come back to haunt her and going back home brings them all to the surface. And Jonah soon discovers that things in her business aren't what they seem - something is going on that could sabotage them all.

Flower Fields is a book of unexpected love, dreams, family conflict, and ultimately redemption.

Self-Love on Valentine's Day for Singles (Or Anyone Actually)

Happy Valentine's Day. I'd love to share an excerpt from one of my self-love books as a gift for you this day. Even if you're single, the day can embody love for you - self-love and friendship.

Oracle Card Made by K. Bosman (c)

Taken from my first book:

Falling in Love with Me - 30 Days of Self-Love

I’ve always felt that the cornerstone of a good relationship is respect. If someone doesn’t respect you, they don’t really love you, do they?

But what does it mean to respect yourself?

This is a really hard one, but it’s so important.

Firstly, do you criticize yourself constantly? What would it be like if you did that to your partner, friend, or your child? Would they feel loved? Would they want to be around you? Not at all. Remember that you’re the only person who is with yourself 24/7, 365 days a year, all the years of your life. You’d better learn to get on.

There is nothing wrong with becoming a better person and working on your faults, but negative self-talk can be debilitating. You have to learn to celebrate all that you are and all that you’ve come through. You’re an amazing human being. You’ve accomplished so much so far in your life, or multiple lifetimes (if you so believe). You’ve overcome immense challenges and stuck it out through many trials. You’ve loved and laughed and cried. You’ve grown as a person, matured through the years. The deepest part of your being is pure love. That’s because you belong to The Universe which is also pure love. You are one and the same. The very deepest well of existence is love.

Sure, you’ve messed up. We all have. Maybe you’ve done some terrible things that have really hurt yourself and others. You did those things because you felt separate from love. They were a cry for help. It’s time to forgive.

If self-respect is hard for you, write a list of five things you like about yourself.
Then write a list of five things you are crazy about yourself.

Why I'm Back to Writing Sex Scenes

Ha!

Maybe the title of this blog post makes you cringe.

Or maybe it makes you go, "Yay, at last!"

I don't know, but I have to be honest: this is me.

The last few years, my life has changed radically. Not just with the divorce, but in my whole way of seeing things. I think the divorce played a big part in it, but also coming out of a religion that I was in my whole life.

I started deconstructing from this religion about five or six years ago. I can't say the exact date as it was a very gradual thing at first. Then it became quite a big thing when I left the church and became agnostic and questioned everything I believed in. But I felt too lonely without a relationship with The Divine. So, I decided to believe anyway and began to pray again. That felt right. And after my marital separation, I went back to the church, mostly for social support. I mean, church people are really kind and caring.

But I didn't belong fully anymore. I didn't believe half the things they preached. In fact, most of it made me cringe. But I went for the fellowship. Eventually, I couldn't hide my true self anymore and it came out several years later - end of last year. I could no longer teach Sunday School because my beliefs were too different and too questionable. I'd evolved too much.

Being an Evangelical Christian meant that sex outside of marriage is wrong. You just don't do it. And if you do, you feel guilty, ashamed, and have a lot of fixing up to do on the inside. And things like erotic romance are just no! Not allowed. I started writing erotic romance under the name Vicki Ballante before I'd left the church. I justified it by always presenting my characters as married when they had sex. It made me feel like I wasn't sinning. But the writing never felt right. It didn't come totally naturally; yet I wanted to write sex. In a previous blog post I blamed my ex for persuading me to do it, but I take that back. It was purely my decision. Yes, he prompted the thought, but I thought I could maybe become a best-selling author and that my sweet romance wasn't cutting it in publishing. That, of course, isn't the best way to do it. I don't disregard those who write purely for money and success, but that's not how I tick.

Writing for me runs MUCH deeper than that. It's in my blood. The flow heals me and feeds me. I have to write. It's like eating. It's like breathing.

Anyway, after a two-and-a-half-year writer's block, things are starting to happen. I managed to write one fantasy novel in the time and one romance - Cat Therapy, which is a sweet romance. I love sweet romance. I love reading it and writing it. I think that the feelings between the couple are so, so important and sweet romance puts a highlight on the progression of the emotional side. I love that.

But sometimes, I like the tease of the sex scene. I love to see how the couple come together and how their chemistry works.

Thank you to pexels.com for the free pic.

As far as writing it goes, it's just been happening. I haven't been planning to write sex scenes, but they've just been happening. The characters have called for it. The romance has needed it. And...it's also part of my healing. It's part of letting go the shame attached to sex from my previous belief system, and it's healing my hurt from my marriage and my divorce. I think part of the reason I struggled to write sex scenes properly as Vicki is because there were things wrong in my marriage and I didn't see it. Now, after healing and seeing things in a whole new light, I've got a dream. A dream about a man who will be tender and kind and just what I need. And I'm writing the hero I want. The man I'd love to make love to one day. And writing it is so cathartic. It's glorious. And it's showing me who I am.

I think that's what's so beautiful about the well-written sex scene - it can show us what a good partnership can look like. How a good and loving lover can be. And I think that's why erotic romance always upset me. And the shame from religion.

Being sex positive is a new thing for me. I've always felt these twinges that it's wrong to write sex and it's wrong to read it. But now, this gentle peace and this sparkling excitement is rising up in my soul as I begin to embrace the truth that we are sexual beings and as long as we make sexual decisions that respect ourselves and others, we aren't shameful and bad human beings. It's not easy to believe this and I still have a long way to go to be totally free, but I'm getting there. One step at a time.

It's Not Your Fault

I have a confession to make - I'm a bit addicted to podcasts. I listen to them when I'm cleaning, cooking, when I'm driving. I love hearing people drop pearls of wisdom into my lap. I love gleaning stuff from the experiences of others.

Today, I stumbled upon a podcast that said: It's Not Your Fault if Your Partner Has an Affair.

Although I knew the podcast was mostly geared toward those who were still in relationship, I thought I could get some good stuff out of this one. And I certainly did! Because those thoughts get to everyone who has been through the devastating pain of infidelity. I didn't entertain them long after the discovery, thankfully, but they did affect me, and there are still twinges that come out from time to time. Like today. When I have a small fight / disagreement with one of my kids, a little voice whispers in my ear - see, that's why your husband left you because you're selfish and over-sensitive. No one really wants to be with someone like that.

But then I got to thinking. When my kids do something that upsets me, I still love them. Fiercely. Love does not abandon or betray a person just because they didn't meet some supposed need or they upset you or you don't have a perfect relationship. No one has a perfect relationship.

I didn't only blame myself for the affair, but my ex spent quite a bit of time listing his disturbing bullet-point list of all the things I'd done wrong. Strange, before he'd met her, he'd never ever once mentioned a single one of those to me, nor had he ever said he was unhappy or wanted to go for counselling. So, I smell a rat here. It looks like he was deflecting the blame from himself. I'm not going to take that into my soul. I'm not going to hear all those soul-destroying words he threw at me.

Anyway, back to the truth that I want to relay to anyone who may need it:

1. No matter what's wrong with a relationship, having an affair is a moral choice and it's not the way to heal a relationship, nor even the right way to get out of a relationship if you want to leave. Yes, if the relationship is not going well, usually two people are responsible (not in a shaming way, but they could probably do with some pointers and counselling on how to improve the dynamic). Just because two people are responsible for maintaining a healthy relationship, does not mean having an affair is justified. Choosing to have an affair is a morally irresponsible and deeply violent and selfish act. There are so many other ways to deal with relationship problems.

2. Because the one who had an affair chose that way, the other partner in the relationship is NEVER to blame for the affair. They are hurting and should never, ever be blamed for it. That only makes the hurt much worse. It's like whipping a wounded dog. Never allow anyone to tell you that it's your fault. And don't go inward and try to find ways that you could have done things better, blaming yourself while you're at it - that's just a way of trying to control the situation because you're afraid of it happening again. (Nothing wrong with learning from the broken relationship though.) Common phrases like, "did you make him happy?" or "did you meet all his needs?" or "did you put your marriage first" are all painfully damaging and destructive. I've had those thoughts. I've even had some people ask me such things. Yes, I wasn't perfect. No one is. But that's not the point at all. Think of it this way: What if your partner was bedridden or paralysed due to illness and couldn't cook your food or give you sex, or meet whatever "needs" you have? Would it be okay to have an affair then? No! Unfortunately, some religious people also teach that our bodies don't belong to ourselves but our partners. What balderdash. This is very damaging stuff and can open people up to abuse in relationships. Your body is yours and yours alone.

Oracle Card made by Me - Copyright (c) K. Bosman

3. People who have strong self-esteem are more likely to heal quicker from the pain of infidelity. Those who believe that they are still worthy and lovable, despite what their partner or ex-partner did, are able to heal faster and better from the pain. I think I'm going to stick to the truth that I am enough. Yes, I'm enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH TOO! You have always been and will always be enough. Your worth can never be taken from you. By being human, you possess infinite worth and beauty. We all have flaws. That's what makes us human. No one is able to be the perfect partner or parent, all the time. We have a shadow self. But the beautiful thing is that shadow self is often our biggest teacher. In some religions, we are often told that those shadow parts of us make us shameful and horrible and displeasing to the divine. We are told to get rid of them. Thing is, we will never be able to get rid of them in this lifetime. We will always have things to work on, ways to improve, ways to become more loving. Yes, we do want to become more loving and more at peace. But, instead of seeing that shadow part of ourselves as icky and shameful and something to either suppress or to cut out, let's love ourselves despite that shadow-ness. Let's see that shadow as a gift to teach us many beautiful lessons. As soon as we start to love and accept ourselves as flawed, suddenly that feeling of having to be perfect all the time fades away. Instead we revel in our self-love and joy. Judgement drops its ugly barbs off our souls. And the less we judge ourselves, the more we can learn to love and no longer judge others. And the more loving we become. Kind of full circle, right?

(Thank you to Divorce Source Radio and David of closeconnections.ca - who shared the podcast.)

That Calm Inner Centre

The last few weeks have been pretty challenging for me in several areas, but mostly in the area of finances and health.

I have decided to not going into the gory details of what I went through - have since taken it off the blog. But here are the messages I've learned through the hard times:

Several messages kept popping up in different places - the message of being calm, of tapping into my calm, inner centre. You see, we all have this calmness deep inside of us. Our deep inner being is pure serenity. We just have all these external things that buffet us in this world - things around us to upset us, things going on in our bodies and emotional bodies. But those are all external things. The very core of us is always safe. And at peace.

I sometimes like to listen to NDEs (near-death experiences). I love hearing the messages / truths that the people learn from the other side. Everyone says that they feel the most incredible peace and love once they die. That's because our soul is pure love and pure peace.

We just need to tap into our higher self - our true soul. So, when the storm rages around us, we can choose to be calm. Yes, we may not feel totally calm because we are human and we get emotions. We get physical sensations. This world hurts and harms us sometimes. But we can be calmer, we can have an inner knowing that everything is going to be okay, that we are okay, and that we are growing through everything we go through.

The past few weeks I've chosen to look at the lack of editing jobs as a blessing instead of a bad thing. It's not easy for me. But I've been more relaxed, I've had time to write, and I've managed to write 11K words in my new novel / novella - not too sure how long it's going to be yet. I've learned to appreciate the little things in life.

So, my challenge for myself for 2019 is balance. I've allowed my need to work, work, work take me out of balance. I really needed this break as stressful as it was. I am working on balancing my diet and working on my fitness. I really need to get my health into gear. I've needed to work very hard the last few years to get my editing business up and running, but now it's time to bring my life back into balance. I've had my wake-up call.

But the biggest lesson I've learned the last few weeks is to sink into my inner being, that calmness I have inside me. To find peace in the midst of the storm. And to trust. To be guided by my intuition every step of the way. Not always easy, but always leading us back to peace.

Free Book on Wattpad

Hi, I hope you are all well on this beautiful day!

So, I've taken one of my old romances I wrote years ago, which was contracted by Clean Reads, and I've changed things up a bit. I received some negative reviews on the book, specially with regards to my heroine. At the time they hurt, but they also got me thinking on how I can improve the book. So, I've fixed her up and made her a much nicer person. I've smoothed out the romance and just plain, old made the book better. It is a bit shorter though.

Anyway, I've decided to put it up as a free read on Wattpad for my readers to enjoy. The first chapter is now up!

Beautiful Hearts

Lisa is petrified, but can't resist saying yes to her boss, Dan Loriet, the handsome but fierce Editor in Chief at Prominence Magazine. He wants her to pose as his fiancee for a New Years' bash at his family's. In return, she may be able to get the promotion she's dreamed of. Turns out Dan's family is the family she's always dreamed of being a part of, and he's not so bad himself, when she gets to know him beneath the strict boss persona. But Lisa has a secret Dan mustn't discover and has several of her own inner demons to conquer. Dan has always been a player. Can he settle down with one woman, no matter how much she fascinates him? They just can't be a couple, no matter how beautiful their hearts are. There is too much pitched against them.
Find it here: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/167455941-beautiful-hearts

Book Review - Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

Today, I'm doing something different - I'm reviewing a non-fiction book I read, just because I loved the book so much. Not as a favour to the author or upon request, or in exchange for anything. I don't have the book cover art then, but I'll post a link to where you can buy it on Amazon.

Blurb:

An essential exploration of women’s sexuality that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

After all the books that have been written about sex, all the blogs and TV shows and radio Q&As, how can it be that we all still have so many questions? The frustrating reality is that we’ve been lied to — not deliberately, it’s no one’s fault, but still. We were told the wrong story.

Come as You Are reveals the true story behind female sexuality, uncovering the little-known science of what makes us tick and, more importantly, how and why. Sex educator Dr Emily Nagoski debunks the common sexual myths that are making women (and some men!) feel inadequate between the sheets.

Underlying almost all of the questions we still have about sex is the common worry: ‘Am I normal?’ This book answers with a resounding Yes! We are all different, but we are all normal — and once we learn this, we can create for ourselves better sex and more profound pleasure than we ever thought possible.



For all those science nerds out there, this book is definitely for you. I'm NOT a science nerd, so I did struggle in some parts to read this book, although she mostly wrote it in layman's language, but still, it made my brain boggle a bit. (Maybe that's easy, lol.)

Anyway, I truly feel that this book is an essential read for every woman out there (and also for their partners). It's for straight or gay women, although she mentioned that she hasn't done enough research to help transgender people.

There is so much out there in the media, which is largely accepted as true about women's sexuality, which is a far cry from scientific fact. Yes, the science is still evolving and growing, and they haven't discovered everything, but it's high time that people got wind of how we work as females.

I'm going to summarise what she covers, in brief, as I don't want this review to be a spoiler, but I do want people to get an idea of the powerful message she conveys:

1. We are all different down there physically and unless our body causes us discomfort or pain, we are normal and beautiful! (Porn stars are just that - porn stars, and oftentimes photo-shopped or changed.)

2. Physiological response is not the same as desire. Women need desire for true pleasure. Desire goes a lot deeper than just a physical thing.

2. Just like our physical parts are all arranged differently, so our way of functioning as a sexual being is unique. Not all women get aroused a certain way, orgasm the same way, and find the same things pleasurable. (Yes, I've written a post about this before and this book only confirmed my concerns about how women are portrayed sexually in media - 18+ movies, magazines, and some erotic fiction.) These images we have in our heads about how we should behave don't always measure up to our own realities, and when they don't, we start to believe that there is something deeply wrong with us. And that belief is the biggest downfall in our sexual pleasure.

3. Women are not the same as men. Yes, physiologically, we actually are fairly similar, if you look at the internal biology of our parts, but, as women, and some men, we are deeply affected by external matters when it comes to how ready and seamless we are in times of intimacy. We have brakes and they're all connected to our brains. And it's quite complex what causes those brakes. She goes into it in great detail and it is an enlightening read. Unfortunately, women are expected to act like men sexually and they are, once again, portrayed like that in magazines, movies, porn, etc. They are expected to be in the mood all the time, to have spontaneous desire (i.e. non-responsive desire) like men.

4. We don't actually have a sex drive. We have a sex desire. A drive is something that pushes us onto survival. We can survive as individuals without sex, but not as a species. That gives no excuse for sexual assault or the non-consensual stuff. NO ONE has any excuse to say that they need sex and that they had to have someone for their own needs to be met!

5. She goes into how to eliminate or work through the brakes that hold us back. Great advice. And a lot to chew on.

I don't know if I've conveyed her thoughts properly as I'm not very scientific, so I really think you should read it yourself, if you're interested.



Added thoughts on the book as copied from my Goodreads review:

Thank you so much, Emily. You have healed my broken heart!

This amazing scientific book (which did go over my head a little bit at times) showed me that I'm perfectly normal and wonderful just as I am. I understood myself for the first time. I'm not broken; I'm not "not enough". I just have sensitive brakes.

This book empowers women. There is so much in the media - magazines, TV, porn, romantic fiction, that gives false messages on women's sexuality. Everyone is buying into these lies (based on ignorance and thinking women are the same as men). It's making women believe they are messed up sexually, and making men less than loving and patient toward their partners. The book goes into almost every dynamic of issues (which are actually caused more by stress, low self-esteem and a misunderstanding of our brakes and accelerators than anything else) - you need to read it to understand.

I feel like Emily is a strong sister who has taken my hand and raised it up to the sky and shouted to the world that "She is enough".


Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-surprising-transform-ebook/dp/B00V58R0ZE

Why I Said "Thank You" and How It Helped

A few weeks ago, I was listening to a spiritual teaching by Matt Khan, as recommended by a friend who did Reiki on me. I don't resonate with everything he teaches, but I was challenged and stirred by a strong message he gave about our soul's purpose and the pain we face in our lives.

For quite some time now, I've realised that my painful marriage breakup and divorce was something that my soul had chosen to go through before I came to this planet at this time. I don't know why, whether it was a karma thing that I had to learn (karma, I believe, is to learn self-forgiveness), but more so, I believe it was to grow me as a soul.

My husband of twenty years broke it to me in July 2016 that he didn't love me anymore. It was a total shock and devastation. It's been over two years now since that dark day, and the past few months I've been partly annoyed with myself for not being able to move on and get over the grief. Yes, sure I accepted myself, but I was kind of sick of the negative emotions. Although they'd eased quite a bit, they were still hurting me. All the memories - good and bad - would roll around inside me. It wasn't a constant, all-day thing, like in the beginning, but then something would happen to make it come out - like him talking to me, seeing an old photo, or me hearing about the other woman. Several messages from Spirit (like pulling cards), had relayed to me that it was time to let go of the heartbreak. I really wanted to, but how?

Then Matt Khan told his YouTube listeners to say, "Thank you" to the very people who cause us the most pain. As hard as it was, I said "Thank you" to my ex, and I meant it. I knew that what he'd done was for the growth of my soul. I trusted that the emotions would follow that decision to thank him. And to thank The Universe and my soul for choosing this path.

My Reiki friend's session may have helped too as she felt a blockage in my sacral (relationship/sexual/creative) chakra. She told me to wear orange. 😀 Interestingly enough, she said my heart chakra was very clear and open. Matt Khan said that grief and loss breaks open our hearts.

Anyway, my ex has recently gone on a trip to Australia to visit the woman he left me for. Normally, just the knowledge of it would get me into all the negative thought patterns - why am I not good enough but she is, why did he commit to loving me forever and break that promise, and many more. And the emotions would be bad! But something has happened. It's like I suddenly realised, I get to have the juicy goodness of soul growth. I have grown so much the last two years, spiritually, mentally, and practically. I've learned how to be independent, I've learned self-love, I've learned about codependency and unhealthy relationships. I get to be at peace and no longer in a codependent relationship. I get to be free to love myself, without anything holding me back. I get to follow my own path without having to hide it. I don't have to work like a hamster on a wheel to please him for fear of losing him, like I had been for years.

As spring has arrived in my country, I also feel like it's a period of fullness and new growth for me. I'm now finally seeing the new shoots of growth and freedom that I've been planting after two years of working on my healing and self-love and forgiveness. I've grown in unconditional love and non-judgement. Sure, I'm not totally there yet, but there are new, lush shoots of growth. There's a shrub / tree - I'm not sure what - in my tiny front yard that's called the Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. Last year, spring, just after we'd moved here, the tree had one or two flowers. The bush has the most beautiful flowers, in shades of white, lilac, and purple, with a sweet, feminine scent. I wondered why it wasn't covered in them, as I knew the bush to be. Two new little bushes have also sprouted up in the garden! Anyway, this year, it's full of life. It's as though it's a message to me of the life that has bloomed in my soul the last year. I'm so grateful.

I'm glad I said "Thank you." Sure, I still get negative thoughts, but they don't pierce me as strongly. I get to create new happy memories with my kids, my pets, and my new path in life. I live back in my home town where I get to see my family I've been away from for so long. I get to do fun things like go to dance class, or follow the spiritual path that makes me happy.

Grief is real, and many of us go through things on this planet that are very painful. But I believe that our souls have chosen to go through things to grow. At the time, it's so painful that we don't see the message and the lesson, but over time, it begins to unfold, if we are willing to surrender and trust. When we say "Thank you" to our greatest pain and pain-causers, something happens that propels us forward into exponential growth.

Card Spread for Creativity Block

I love using tarot and oracle cards to tap into my intuition and the divine.

I'm still struggling with writer's block and it's so frustrating. So, I designed this spread to help me. I don't know if it's going to solve the problem. I actually think stepping away from writing may be the answer for me right now. I plan to get stuck into some other creative stuff. What, I'm not sure. Maybe I'll try Inktober this year (check this out: https://inktober.com/rules/)

Anyway, I thought maybe one of you may benefit from my spread. You can even use playing cards if you don't have tarot. Or an oracle card deck could work too. There is such a gorgeous selection out there to choose from.

Re: Free Short Story on Wattpad

I have put up my paranormal romance short story on Wattpad. If you would like a free read, especially for Halloween, then help yourself.

Here is a blurb:

Susanna's dreamed of visiting Tuscany, Italy, her whole life, but she's not so enthusiastic when her travel agent boss sends her on a tour to the province at the last minute, just before Halloween. When Susanna joins Ghostly Tours, she can't ignore the handsome blue-eyed American, Shane. Nor can she resist engaging with the blue-eyed ghost who visits her and pampers her at night, a ghost who looks too much like the man she sees during the day. Soon she realizes that Shane is more than a stranger, but rather someone she's known for a long time, way longer than her current lifetime. The two share a history steeped in hurt; this very history keeps Shane from embracing his humanity and stops Susanna from finding her true purpose in life. Are they destined to destroy each other's destinies? Or does the love they share transcend the past?

Here is the link: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/162103224-ghostly-tours

When Self-Love Gets Tested

So, I've started my next self-love book. It's about deepening your self-love, especially when it gets tested.

My self-love has been tested this week, specifically in the area of body acceptance. Phew, this one is hard for me to work on. Most of my life, growing up, I was skinny. I was blessed with a super-efficient metabolism. I could eat whatever I liked and not put on an ounce of weight. Then I had three kids. I still managed to lose most of my baby weight after breastfeeding them each for a year, and running after active toddlers, but when I hit my late thirties, I developed thyroid problems. I was no longer what society would deem attractive i.e. thin. My metabolism hit a big snag. I managed to go on thyroid hormones, which thankfully made me feel a lot healthier, but it didn't make the weight drop off.

Society had told me my whole life that if I wanted to be attractive to my husband, I had to be thin. And if I wanted to just plain-old be attractive and considered worthy of respect from society, I had to have a certain figure. So, when I heard about the low-carb paleo diet, I was hooked. I got brainwashed into thinking this was the magic pill. Yes, I did lose weight. I looked "acceptable" again, but it came at a great cost. My thyroid levels dipped to an all-time low and I developed several other health problems. After two and a half years of trying to make this "magic pill" diet work, and after I stumbled upon some material against low-carb dieting, I broke the diet. I felt so much better, almost immediately. It took a while for the deeper problems to heal. One of them never healed - I developed allergies while on the diet. I still struggle with them today.

After I broke the diet and started eating enough again to feel healthy and energetic, I put back all my weight and a lot more - the perils of compromising your metabolism on an unhealthy diet. My husband at the time started criticising me for how I looked. I allowed his words to get to me. (I wasn't aware of self-love at the time.) I developed deep insecurities about myself as a person, but...at the same time I read a lot of material by Summer Innanen and other advocates for health at every size. I researched on health and the stigma that's attached to weight, and how it's more a social problem than anything else. That there is very little proof that being overweight is necessarily the cause of illnesses. Yes, it's often caused by illnesses, but inherently, in itself, is not always harmful. (It's more harmful to hate yourself and compromise your health.) I began to learn the importance of accepting myself as I am. How hating on my body was not going to help me be happy, healthy, and peaceful as a person. I read up on how dieting actually makes us fat. Every time we diet, we may lose weight temporarily, but then we can't maintain it long-term, so we put the weight back on. And many times, more. Any time we restrict calories, we compromise many systems in our bodies. I'd rather not live like that. I can't afford to because of my particular health dynamic.

So, I'm not skinny anymore. I'm actually overweight. It's hard to put your photo on a dating profile. It's hard to feel good about yourself sometimes.

Yesterday, I went to dance class and one of the ladies there was videoing us practising a dance. I asked her to send me a copy so I could show my kids that I am actually dancing every Monday night and not going on a mysterious date. I watched the video and my heart sank. I was so huge compared to the other slim ladies in the class. I felt like an elephant. It was so hard to comprehend.

I realised that I'm having a self-love test here. If I can't appreciate and love the body vessel that I've got for my time on this earth, then I'm in serious trouble. I'm so grateful for my body and all it can do. It gives me the strength to do those dance steps, which are such fun. Sure, I don't look amazing doing them, but I'm growing as a person, by learning these difficult steps. I also know that women have hormones, and at a particular time of month, the hormones go really low and during that time, they really don't like the way they look. Any self-dislike gets magnified tenfold. So, I'm not letting this experience, that my hormones gives me, plunge me into a depression and another diet cycle. I mean, today, I even considered going on a diet again. I thought, "How will I find a man looking like this? People must find me disgusting." But those thoughts are from the ego mind - the lower mind, which comes from the messages we've been given all our lives, that our worth as women is attached to how thin we are.

So, instead of hating on myself, I'm going to slay this dragon and love on myself even more. I'm going to be kind to my body and nourish it and give it the rest it needs. I'm going to love the wiggly bits because they're what makes up me. I'm going to choose to believe that I am beautiful, and wait for the hormonal dip to pass before I take any of my thoughts seriously. Self-depreciation be gone.

So, how do we love ourselves when we don't fit into society's norms?

1. Eat, sleep, have fun.

2. Be the biggest advocate for your inner child. Yes, your inner child was told that if you became fat, or if you were already fat, it was serious and you would be ugly and useless. That's a lie. Being fat does not mean being unfit, incapable, stupid, or unhealthy. There are many thin people who struggle with feelings of lack of self-worth. I struggled with it all those years when I was thin. Being thin did not help me feel better about myself. I was so afraid of getting fat. It petrified me. Give your inner child a good hug and tell her that she is lovable just the way she is and that if someone insults her, they WILL pay the consequences. (You can certainly stand up for yourself in your mind. Not a soul can stop you from doing that.)

3. Buy yourself that outfit you'd love (if your bank balance allows) even if it's not slimming, just because you damn-well love the colours, or the cut, or the stripes.

4. Accept compliments. When people say your Facebook profile pic looks good, believe them. When they say, "You look lovely today," believe them. And thank them without starting the long description of your faults.

5. Accept that sometimes you won't like what you see in the mirror. We all have those days. But choose to not let that make you come down hard on yourself. Keep up your self-care, and show compassion to yourself. Trust that those feelings will pass.

6. Look into the mirror and say something like, "You're amazing, you're beautiful, and you're so unique."

7. Think of all the things your body can do and thank it.

8. Think of all the wonderful things in your life that you do and are. Realise that how you look is such a small part of your life experiences. There is so much fun to be had, no matter what size you are.

Any other suggestions? I'd love to hear them.

Confession Time and Talking to Trees

So, as I mentioned in my previous blog post, I wrote erotic romance under a pseudonym. Well, for some strange reason, the blog I set up on Blogger for my alter-ego, disappeared. I couldn't access the Blogger for it and all my blog posts, no matter how much I tried. Very frustrating!

Anyway, I feel I owe it to the publisher of my erotic romance books (Decadent Publishing) to keep promoting my books, and seeing I don't have time to promote two different personas and man two different blogs, I'm taking the plunge and letting my readers know about my other books here. For sweet romance readers, you don't have to read further.

Anyway, I've been thinking quite a bit about one of the books I wrote under Vicki Ballante. It holds a very special place in my heart and to this day, is still one of my favourite books that I've ever written. In fact, I still get chills when I think about the story. And I also think it's one of my better works.

A few months ago, I read a really enchanting book called Secrets from the Lives of Trees https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Lives-Trees-Jeffrey-Goelitz/dp/1879052040. I found this book secondhand at a market and I couldn't resist buying it; although for a secondhand book, it wasn't all that cheap. Anyway, I eventually bought it and I was not at all disappointed.

The book is written by a man who developed a relationship with trees where he spoke to them telepathically. Just a few weeks before that, I'd felt a connection to the trees in my small garden. I cannot explain it, but I felt something with them. Now, don't think I'm strange. I'm quite a spiritual / telepathic person and I do pick up things very keenly.

Anyway, it reminded me of my story called The Century Sage. I hope you will read my beautiful story about a woman who can talk to trees. Trees are the peacemakers of our planet. In the Secrets from the Lives of Trees, the author stresses how they are vital for our well-being and to help us overcome stress.

Blurb:

Lina is a tree sage, a gifted person who heals trees, but her duty binds her to one place for her whole life until she marries. Tree sages must marry and birth a daughter by twenty-eight, even if true love is out of the picture. When hot rally winner Brad meets her, he is drawn to her mystical powers. Lina can’t resist the man who represents something she shouldn’t go for, but neither can she turn away his sexy touch. Brad offers to marry her and take her on a worldwide rally tour. She can fulfill her dream of traveling, and he provides a way to meet the demands of her breed, but will that be enough? What about love?

When Lina settles in Paris, loneliness and unfulfilled expectations threaten to pull the shaky relationship apart. Could the barriers between them be caused by an evil greater than they imagined? Soon, they will have to fight for Paris, but will they survive?

Buy Links:

Amazon US

Google Play Books

Bookstrand

Why I Regret Publishing More Than 15 Books in Three Years

After I obtained my very first publishing contract with Clean Reads (then called Astraea Press), the wind flowed beneath my wings! I took off. The writing just flowed; ideas came to me constantly; the contracts didn't stop. I would write a new book every three or four months, send them off to Astraea Press, and obtain a contract a few months later. They'd be out within 6 months from that. Then I took part in the Ubuntu line (African-style romances) of Decadent Publishing and wrote more books set in my own country. I ended up writing and publishing 4 books for the Ubuntu Line.

It was such fun.

But after a while, it became harder to write. The words didn't flow as easily. I think deep inside I knew they were no longer as much from the heart, that they were forced. But writing was my dream, I loved doing it, and I wanted to make a name for myself as an author. Bringing books out regularly was the way to do it, or so I thought. I tried to self-publish, hoping my sales would pick up then. It wasn't my most successful venture, even though I tried to promote my books and sent them to review sites. 

I even wrote some erotic romance books under a pseudonym. I thought erotic romance sold, but I really struggled to write it. I felt naughty writing it - as though I was rebelling against the very strict religious days of my youth, but that wasn't a good reason to write a genre. I also wrote it to please my ex - an even worse reason! Now, in hindsight, I know that sweet romance is the genre that works for me, that flows naturally for me. The erotic books never sold as well as my clean romances. What's worse is that I feel so dreadful as I have been unable to maintain two personas and my erotic-romance persona social media account and marketing is totally non-existent. I know I've messed my publisher around terribly in that regard.

Then the divorce happened and my romance writing almost totally died. I thought it may be the end of it. I still wonder as I've struggled so much. I have to say I'm sorry to both publishers - Clean Reads and Decadent Publishing for letting them down once my divorce happened as my marketing efforts blew up in smoke.

I have managed to write Cat Therapy the last year. It's been great fun. And I'm quite pleased now that I only have one book to focus on for marketing. I realise, in hindsight, that publishing so many books in such a short space of time wasn't the best idea. For these reasons:

1. You have less time to do revisions, go back to your book and edit it when you've stepped away from it after several months. There's nothing worse than being too close to your book - a phenomena we all face just after writing it.

2. You have less money for marketing. And time!! Yes, time. Marketing is a big thing and takes a lot of strategy, time, and dedication. (I'm also pleased that now I don't have to beg my ex for money for marketing, which he always hated giving me. Now I am king of my own finances and can choose to spend on marketing when I wish without grovelling. I always hated the grovelling!)

3. You tend to become numb to the feeling of satisfaction at a job well done. When the books are just flowing out, one after the other, you don't have time to stop and smell the beautiful scent of that masterpiece you've brought out into the world.

4. You get too bogged down with all the admin and marketing that comes with your writing, that you have less time for hobbies and other interests.

But in the end, I take my hat off to those authors who can pull off regular releases and make a success of them. They are true entrepreneurs who have made an art and a business out of their craft! Well done to you. I just don't think that's my thing anymore, and that's all right.

Exciting News!!

I'm so thrilled to share - I'm about to sign a contract for Cat Therapy with Black Opal Books!

My animal soul mate - Ginger

Cat Therapy has had quite a journey so far. Besides the multiple revisions, it's also been a story of hope for me. I didn't know if I'd ever get to publish a romance novel again in my life. It's been so hard to write romance since my divorce. I poured my heart into the book. And my love of cats! I feel like it's a new beginning for me, that I can still write romance. I even have another book idea brewing!!

Here's the tentative blurb to give you an idea of my story:

Two-times divorcee Cherry Smith is quite happy with single life. Well, a little lonely at times, until her elderly friends give her four cats. She already has two cats and a dog. Six cats? Can she handle it? When the kitten needs her shots, she visits the new bachelor vet in town. Dr. Jeff Clark turns out to be even more handsome than what she's heard in the small town where she lives. But Cherry can't let him distract her. She's been burned too many times by attractive men. He makes her feel uncomfortable, especially when she tells him she has six cats, and he seems to disapprove. To pacify him, she says that she's running a cat therapy hotel. As she ponders the lie on her way home, she realises what a fantastic idea it is. With the help of her friend Delia, they set up their bed and breakfast facility.

People start coming to avail of the love of her cats, including a gentle widower named Seb, who needs help with his grieving son. Cherry should really go for someone like him, but when the impossible Jeff Clark keeps wanting to check on her operation, she can't help finding a friend in the man who takes her breath away. Friendship with him wouldn't be a good idea because she likes him too much and it's way too soon after his divorce. So when Seb asks her on a date, she agrees. Maybe if she settled with the safer option, her heart wouldn't be at risk anymore. But when crazy things start to happen around her, Cherry needs a man she can turn to who understands. A man like Jeff.

Cat Therapy is a tender and funny women's fiction about healing, love, and cats!

Find the Beauty in YOU

I'm going to be sharing more and more things on self-love - the message I believe I'm meant to share to the world. Here's an excerpt from my book on self-love: Falling in Love with Me - 30 Days of Self-Love, that hopefully will be published in the near future.

Excerpt:

The keys to keeping a long-term relationship alive and healthy is choosing to focus on the good things in your partner. It takes a decision sometimes. The relationship we have with ourselves is the only one that’s going to last a lifetime. Grow that relationship. Focus on the good things.

The beauty of it, is that you’re more able to face your shadows when you’re appreciative of your good stuff. In fact, those very shadows are beautiful gifts of growth for us.

Maybe make a list of things you like about yourself.

Write down a thank you to yourself for all the things you’ve done this week to help you grow in your self-love journey.

Find one thing about your body that you like. Everyone has something. Maybe it’s your toenails. Or your belly button. Or your thumbs. Or do you really love your hair?

Perfect.

You came to this earth in this body. I believe that we chose to live this life. We chose this body to exist in. We wanted it. Maybe it’s caused some pain and suffering at times, but it’s beautiful and magical. It’s so complex. It can do so much.

Don’t judge your externals by the world’s standards. This body of yours is a vessel—a magical one that you chose to live through.

Look at yourself as a bouquet of flowers. Some of the flowers in the bunch are more colorful than others. But the duller, more muted ones complement the brighter ones. It all makes up a beautiful harmonious whole. You’re this mishmash of goodness and icky bits, gladness and sadness. Your good parts are the glue that gives the contrast to the whole bunch. When you’re feeling blue, it’s good to think of the good things.

Our culture has taught us to find beauty in only certain things: long legs, flat tummy, sleek hair, small nose, high cheekbones, clear skin, CISgender, etc. The key is to find beauty in a new way—to take a different perspective. Beauty makes life, well, beautiful. Try to find beauty in all people. When you do that, you open your eyes to real beauty. You open your eyes to endless possibilities to experience beauty in your life. You’ll then open your eyes to your own beauty.

Find beauty in the small things: that flower blowing in the breeze, the smell of rain after a hot day, the aroma of freshly baked pizza. Let it feed your soul.

Here is a bonus extra that's not in the book:

Meditation for Finding Your Own Beauty

Find a quiet spot away from technology and people. Take a hand mirror with you. Sit or lie down - make sure you feel comfortable. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath or a part of your body for a few minutes. Imagine a cloak of love falling down from the sky and resting upon your shoulders. Feel the warmth of that love infuse your whole being. Breathe in that love. See it get absorbed from your shoulders into your chest and heart area, then your stomach area, then your legs and your arms, and your head. Feel that warm liquid of love pulse throughout your whole body. See it grow until it surrounds you in a beautiful golden glow. Bask in that glow.

Now see the picture of a lover in front of you. It doesn't have to be anyone you know - just imagine someone very loving and kind. They are deeply in love with you. See them looking at you with such love and admiration in their eyes, as though they have found the greatest treasure of their lives. Feel that love and acceptance beaming from them toward you. Hear them say, "You are so beautiful." Now open your eyes slowly and hold the mirror in front of you. You are now that lover. See yourself through the eyes of that person who loved you and admired you so much. Look at all the features in you that this person or being was infatuated with. Appreciate those things. Acknowledge as many as you can. See yourself through beauty-viewing eyes. If you keep finding fault in yourself, don't berate yourself - just don't dwell on the thought and shift your thoughts towards the beauty-viewing. Smile at yourself. Put the mirror down.

Now close your eyes again. Feel that feeling of admiration, of appreciation from the depths of your being. Pick it up off your body like it's a ball of light or energy. Hold that ball in your palm. Put your hand over your heart and place that ball / feeling into your heart. Pat it to keep it there. Imagine it's found it's home in your heart now. Take a few more gentle and relaxing breaths. Wriggle your fingers and toes. Open your eyes again and focus on the room.

Alien Captured

Today, I want to welcome fellow ROSA writer, Marie Dry, to my blog, with her 5th book in her alien romance series.

Blurb:

In a bleak future, where government systems are breaking down and poverty and violence reign, on an abandoned farm in Montana, Susannah had a simple plan. She’d capture an alien, sell him to the resistance, and use the money to save her son.

Instead, Susannah had an arrogant alien trapped in a pit who acted as if she was the prisoner. He wanted to kill her dog and insisted she should care for the wound he sustained when he fell into the pit she dug to trap him. On top of that, she had no way to know if the resistance got her message. Every day that passed, she doubted her decision to hand Azagor over to the resistance.

But her son, her baby, was being held by people who considered him unclean because he was conceived out of wedlock—and time was running out.

Excerpt:

She thought she had everything under control until her little dog fell into the pit that held the alien captive.

Susannah jumped up, and Killer, who had sat next to her, yipped and jumped away. Everything slowed around her, and while she stood, horror freezing her veins, Killer fell into the hole. His small paws scrabbled at the rusted iron of the trapdoor and then he fell. She saw his mouth move, knew he was barking and yipping, but she couldn’t hear him.

Susanna stood petrified, her heartbeat slowing, seeing the world around her > through a tunnel. The only other time she’d felt this strange sensation was when she realized they’d taken Noah, and she’d never see him again. At the end of the strange twisting tunnel, she saw the alien’s green savage face staring up at her.

He held her tiny dog in his hand, and he and Killer stared at each other, Killer frozen and obviously not knowing what to do. At least the fall didn’t seem to have injured him. His bones were very fragile, and Caine had warned her they broke very easily. Azagor lifted his hand until he held Killer in front of his face and pulled his lips back from his teeth.

Abruptly life rushed back into her frozen limbs. “Don’t you dare eat him,” she screamed while praying Killer didn’t pee on the alien’s hand.

The alien looked at the dog and then at her, and his hand closed ever so slightly. Five claws pointed at Killer’s fragile head. He held her dog up to her like an offering, while his vicious claws slowly lengthened.

Reviews:

Night Owl Reviews:

Marie Dry has really knocked the ball out of the park with this Science Fiction alien romance. The fifth book in the Zyrgin Warriors series, "Alien Captured" is a nonstop adventure ride that will not only keep the reader engaged and turning pages but will pull at the heart strings.

Savannah thinks to save her son by capturing one of the aliens who have invaded Earth. Azagor believes he will capture the heart of Savannah, the woman he's chosen to be his. The problem, Savannah believes him to be an evil demon sent to punish her. Having grown up in a strict religious cult that has shunned technology and where women are slaves, she doesn't know anything about the modern world. Azagor considers himself a modern warrior and is floored at how little Savannah knows and how hard her life has truly been. Slowly Azagor shows Savannah that his intentions are honorable and he's not a demon but more importantly that he will help her find her son.

This was a touching and passionate story with some laughs, heartache, and celebration. I recommend this book and the series by Marie Dry.

Whisky with My Book Review:

I can’t review this book without giving some consideration to the heroine, Susannah. Some might look on Susannah as a weak character. Indeed, in modern contemporary society, she would be considered not only weak, but also backward. But the author provides a thorough background on Susannah, who is very much a product of her upbringing. In this case, I think nature and nurture had it in for her and the other females in her cult. Susannah is a member of a cult that is ruled a man (Brother Josephatus) who fancies himself to be the right hand of God. The women do all the work and have no rights. The women were raised this way and accept the status quo even if they do not like it.

But the cult has abandoned Susannah because they (Brother Joseph) believe she is no good. First, she had a child out of wedlock. In addition to that, she claims to have seen a demon.

Well, that demon was actually the Zyrgin warrior, Azagor. I’m sure anyone could make that mistake. They are green-skinned, red-eyed and have a forehead ridge that could be a horn.

Left on her own, and desperate to get her son Noah back, Susannah’s strengths spring to life. First she conceived the Alien Captured plan. Now that is a title I would not have expected to see in the Zyrgin Warrior series – Alien Captured? The highly trained, arrogant ‘I-am-a-Zyrgin-Warrior‘ type should never have allowed himself to be captured.

And yet, it happened. It would be spoilerish to say much more about the warrior’s capture. But if you think Azagor will stay captive for very long….well, he is a Zyrgin Warrior!

The captive situation puts Azagor just where he wants to be, in the company of Susannah. As you can see, the warrior has some preconceived ideas of what should be happening:

Instead of harboring fantasies of contacting the resistance, she should want to tend to his wound. Sponge down his body and be so impressed with his superior warrior’s physique that she would want to be his breeder.

Susannah treats him as a dangerous enemy to be used. He treats her as a captor to convince to become is breeder. Breeder is the Zrygin word for mate. Azagor (and most of his fellow warriors) don’t have any clue that human women are not all all keen on that word. Misunderstanding ensues, followed by humor.

The lack of understanding about each other and their cultures makes for a lot of misunderstanding. Some is not very funny, but some is quite humorous. What is really funny is what Azagor thinks he knows because of what other human women have told him and the human movies he has watched. I think the cultural differences that create such wonderful interactions are my favorite parts of the Zrygin warrior stories.

But this one also has one more thing that always to appeals to me. A dog. Killer is a Teacup Yorkie – the last of it’s kind. He is a tiny little dog with a huge heart. He takes on the mean green alien without backing down. I can’t help but love this little Killer, even if Azagor thinks it looks like a rat and doesn’t like him:

She was about to grab Killer and run when Azagor stopped as abruptly as he’d started. “He is small and weak. You should kill him. I will get you a better pet.” He absently scratched at his wound, and she swallowed. Didn’t he feel any pain? “The Aurelians have pets.” He said it as if having a pet was the strangest thing to do. “They are called battle leopards. It will protect you.” His lips pulled into what she supposed was his attempt at a smile. If he ever wanted to scare anyone to death, all he had to do was smile. “We’ll make the rat the first snack for your new pet.”

There is more to that rat story, but I won’t say more.

There is also a child, but in this case, he is too young to talk, and therefore does not have that ‘cute kid’ appeal. Susannah’s baby, Noah, was taken from her as soon as he was born. He doesn’t appear until late in the story, but his appearance makes for a heart-wrenching scene. And while the baby does not qualify for cute kid status, the Zrygin warriors reactions to Noah are quite endearing.

There are some interesting, quieter side stories. One about the project of building something in space. Also there is talk of a previous time travel project. I am not sure if I would know more if I had read the first three books in the series? But I would like to know more. Perhaps there will be additional details in book 6.

I really enjoy the alien/human relations in this series. In Alien Captured, the cultural clashes and misunderstandings make for the best rocky start to what will turn into a very cool romance between the determined heroine and the even more determined hero. If you have enjoyed other books in the series, you will like this one. If you are new to the series, go easy on Azagor, until he wises up. You’ll like him!

I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for my honest review.

Buy the book here: Amazon

About Marie:

Ever since she can remember Marie Dry wanted to travel. She had had the privilege of living in Zambia, Morocco, and Spain and sees herself as a bit of a gypsy. Every few years she gets restless and has to be some place new.

She read romances since she was nine and was fairly young when she decided she would write the perfect story that had all the elements she looked for in a romance. In 1997 she decided to go all out with her writing and to get published. Being published by Black Opal Books is a dream come true for her.

There are several wonderful moments in her life that she would never trade for anything. One of them is meeting President Nelson Mandela and the second being published.